he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
