MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
