So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They are going to name an STD after you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
