I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
