So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
