Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize