I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
