I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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