How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
