there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
