I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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