In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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