I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
