I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize