Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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