i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
