Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
