Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
