her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
