Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
