Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
