I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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