I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
