I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
