Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
