I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize