i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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