Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
FUCK WHALES
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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