I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize