Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
