He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
