this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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