Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
