um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
