i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
