It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
