Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
