So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
