dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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