it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
