and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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