if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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