Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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