What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize