i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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