You can't motorboat a personality
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
