we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
