if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
