She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
