It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
