I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
