no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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