You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
