Your tits are I can't wait for
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
