You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
