But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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