my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
