I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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