did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
