Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
