So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
