You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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