hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
