I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
