Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
