I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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