Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
