I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
