My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
