worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
