listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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