I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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