ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
