well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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