i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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