Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
one two three fourrrrnication!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
