Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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