You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
