how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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