Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
