brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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