my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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