A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
