That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
