she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
