Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
