she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
