Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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