Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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